HABIT 5 (Part 2) : Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood: Principles of Mutual Understanding

When we show the bad attitude when listening as discussed previously, it is guaranteed that the person who is talking to us will feel unnoticed. A good listening technique is by listening sincerely, including:

1. Listen with ears, eyes and heart. Someone in conveying something is not just through words. We can only capture about 4% of a person’s intentions through words. However, we can understand as much as 40% of the tone of his feelings even as much as 53% of the body language. Therefore, to understand others better, understand the conversation through our ears, eyes and hearts.

2.Those their feelings. Each of us views the world through different glasses. If you wear blue glasses and your friends wear red sunglasses, surely he will say that the lake water is red. And vice versa you will surely say that the lake water is blue in accordance with your glasses. That’s how we are. To understand others, we need to equate the colors of our glasses like hers. By trying to understand their point of view, we will surely know what kind of thinking it has and ultimately we will understand others better.

3. Be like a mirror. This is a way of repeating the words spoken by people in our own words. This will cause the other person to feel cared for while talking, so that he will open up to us. behaving like a mirror instead of repeating words exactly like what others say, but repeating in our own words what we understood.

Being like a mirror does not have to be done any time, because it will spend our time. This attitude should be done if we are really going to listen to the feelings of our opponents who face severe problems. This attitude is not necessary if only a light conversation or daily conversation.

By understanding the feelings of the other person, the person will unconsciously open his heart to listen to what we will say. If the other person does not feel understood, it will be difficult for him to open up and accept what we will say. By understanding the other person first, we will gain more trust from that person.

Just trying to understand other people just half of this habit 5. The next half is Trying to Be Understood. It takes courage to speak in public, but it takes much more courage to speak publicly. When we can understand the other person, of course we want that what we say can be heard by others. But there are two conditions for our words to be understood by others. The first is whether our words can provide benefits for and feedback to our interlocutors. The second is to convey from the “I” perspective, instead of saying “you”, so it will give an idea that what we say comes from our mind and does not merely judge the other person

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